There's a small movement, painfully small movement, which sounds like an oxymoron when talking about poop, because a small movement wouldn't be painful, but still in this sense a small movement exists of people who write reviews of the movies found on pornographic DVDs, for their content as works on cinema and not merely as works of masturbatory material. There is, and I think always has been, some strange, fine line between what's acceptable in mainstream discussions and what is merely filth. There's a musical based upon Debbie Does Dallas, for instance, and there was essentially a race against time regarding which Hollywood leading lady would play the role of Linda Lovelace. The new cool thing in porn, of course, is the parody. Porn parodies are nothing new, of course, in fact they've been a frequent punchline for as long as punchlines have been frequent. The new hip thing, though, is porn parodies that are only parodies in the absolute most strict academic sense. They don't lampoon the original work at all, they simply add fucking to it.
I first became aware of this the way I become aware of everything: Because of Batman.
I was on the website for Vivid Entertainment, a popular if, of late, controversial pornography studio, known best at the time for their distribution of celebrity sex tapes. I was there in search of the tape produced by Hugh Hefner's girlfriend, the one who was, simultaneously, a dumb blonde and what the kids call a wigger. Fascinating public figure, she.
While waiting for the video to load, I was taken by deep shock by an advertisement on the side of the screen. The image was clear, yet unbelievable. It was of then popular adult film leading lady Alexis Texas with her mouth on Batman's cock. I don't mean the cock of Adam West, Kevin Conroy or George Clooney (that's my list). I mean…Batman. Clearly resembling the Batman that appeared on the 1960s television show, with his distinctive blue cowl, short ears and drawn-on eyebrows. This was, by Rao, Batman getting blown.
As much as I indeed wanted to see Hef's former third best gal and future victim of extramarital tranny-fucking get the business, my priorities immediately shifted greatly. This was BATMAN GETTING FUCKING BLOWN.
I clicked upon the link and was treated to a true masterpiece of a theatrical trailer, one featuring porn greats of my youth (I watched some HBO Zone at night) in the roles of legendary Batman villains!!
Of course, the success of Batman XXX: A Porn Parody has been documented extensively elsewhere. I bought a copy, I laughed, I emailed the director to ask why he chose Sammy Davis Jr. to steal dialogue from…
This was also, to my knowledge, the first porn parody to include a non-sex edit as a bonus feature. As time has gone on, this feature has improved greatly. On the Batman XXX: A Porn Parody DVD, it basically feels like you're watching the film edited for television. The cuts are oddly placed. Later films make the transition much smoother.
One of the more notable things that continued to be mentioned in online reviews of the film found on non porn, more comic book-focused sites, was the fact that any sexual relationship between Batman and Robin themselves was not explored. This, obviously, comes from the work Seduction Of The Innocent, in which a doctor who had previously spoken in the defense of a man who ate children, claiming that, among other things, Batman and Robin presented a gay fantasy life. Gay Batman and Robin jokes have existed, thus, almost as long as there have been a Batman and Robin and, in fact, that's why Batgirl and Batwoman (who is now a lesbian who has lesbian sex with a Steve Ditko-created character, suck on that, you John Galt motherfucker, that's not entirely fair, just because someone is conservative in one way doesn't mean he is in another, I just think it's funny), exist.
This became all the more fascinating with the release of a much darker and less successful parody entitled Batfuck. In Batfuck, the trusty sidekick of the hero Batfuck was a female Robin. Not Carrie Kelly or Stephanie Brown, some other business. And even then, a direct sexual relationship between Batman (or fuck) and Robin did not exist.
It should be noted though, that both the original Batman XXX and a cheap knockoff from another studio dealing with the Super Friends, includes a three-way among, Batman, Robin and Catwoman. I remember seeing a documentary on The Beatles that discussed whether John ever practiced homosexuality. A man claimed he had had sex with John Lennon, but that a woman was involved as well. Just something to think about.
Anyway, then, it was just a matter of time before the gay porn industry got in on the act with a gay Batman porn. As of this writing, I haven't seen the whole film, but I have seen Batman and Robin's sex scene. And it is beautiful. They are in love. There's a character-damning moment in the Super Friends porn in which Batman suggests Robin should cum on Catwoman's face first, then does so himself. A selfish lover, Batman seems to be. In the gay porn, he is sweet talking the Boy Wonder endlessly, making sure he gets his orgasm. Gay Batman is a dream guy.
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